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Crazy About My BFF's Boyfriend

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  • Crazy About My BFF's Boyfriend

    Okay, before anyone goes hating me here, I hope you'll hear me out. I've been best friends with my bff since grade school. We're very different but we've always managed to maintain our close friendship. She has a boyfriend that she's been with for about a year, and she doesn't seem to be very serious about him. He's gone through some hard times with this over the past year because for a while he was really into her. He used to ask me things about her and what he should do to make things better, and over time we started developing our own friendship. One night after we had talked, he told me that he really liked me and that he had for a while. At this point I told him that I couldn't do that to my friend and that I didn't want to talk about it again. The truth is that I really like him too, but I wouldn't do that to a friend. Then, I found out that she had recently cheated on him. She told me, and my whole perspective on things started to change. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my friendship with her, but now that I know what she's done, I feel like maybe I should reconsider. I'm really not sure what the right thing to do is here, and I don't want to lose my friend. I still haven't spoken about it with her bf again, but we both really like each other. When did life get so complicated? Does anyone have any advice for me here? I could really, really use it. Thanks!

  • #2
    Man, that is one messed up situation you've ended up in, and when I first started reading your comment, I felt sure that I was going to blast you for it after, but now that I've read it, I feel totally different about it. I feel for you. This is a nearly impossible situation and I don't envy you at all for being in it. At the end of the day, the most important thing is going to have to be how much you value your friendship, because this is definitely going to affect it one way or another. If they've been together for a year, even if they break up and you start dating him 6 months later, that is still going to be weird. There's not going to be any kind of getting around that. Unless you are really - and I mean REALLY into this guy, then you are going to have to consider just letting it go. If you really value your friendship, this could really end up changing things permanently, and you need to recognize that. The only way that you can avoid having things change, is to put it behind you and never address things with her bf again. If there's something really real between ou and the BF though, then you've got a bigger problem on your hands. If you really feel like you're going to miss out on something by passing this up, and you want to pursue it, then the best thing you can do is talk to her about it first. At the very least, you will have done the best you can on your end. There's even a chance that she might be okay with it down the road, because it doesn't sound like she's really into anything long term with him if she's cheating on him. I wouldn't bank on that though. Whatever you decide to do, this isn't going to be an easy situation for you. I wish you luck and I hope that everything works out.

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    • #3
      Wow, I don't envy your situation at all, but given your friend's behavior, I'm not surprised that this might have happened. This is a really hard one and you're probably not going to have the easiest time making your way through it but chances are that if you do tell her, things probably aren't going to go very well. You know your friend better than anyone else though, so you'd be the one who's best able to judge the outcome of the situation. I agree with lacy_laid_back. I would do exactly the same thing. If you're not super into this guy, then don't do anything about it. It's not worth risking your friendship over. If you and he are really that into each other though, then you do need to tell her, and it's probably not going to be a pleasant conversation. You need to figure out how much this guy really means to you and go from there. This isn't going to be any easy situation at all if you're really into him and I really don't envy you. Just do the right thing, and at the end of the day, you'll be able to feel good about yourself. That's probably the best you can do in this situation. Good luck!

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      • #4
        Yikes! I thought I was going to think a lot differently about this until I read the whole thing as well. This is not an easy situation do deal with, and it really doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong. It's a good idea that you've cut off the discussion with him for the time being. I would caution you that if he's having this conversaton with you, yet still staying with your friend, then there's a chance that he's not as much of a stand up guy as you might think. He sounds like he's probably confused, but at the very least, he should be walking away from your friend if he isn't into her...which he clearly isn't, if he has feelings for someone else. A couple of suggestions I would have would be 1. don't bother telling him that your friend cheated. That's not where your loyalties should lie in the grand scheme of things, and it's going to cause a world of trouble if you tell her. Also, I agree with the other ladies that if you're not fully into him, that you should walk away, and leave it behind you. Again, I agree that if you do want to to make something happen with him, then you have to talk to her. Wow.

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        • #5
          I say just go for it. She obviously doesn't care much for him if she's cheating on him. If he breaks up with her, you should just tell her that you guys like each other and she should find a way to be okay with it. That's probably easier said than done but really...there's not a whole lot that she can say.

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          • #6
            I think that you should back off altogether. Put yourself in your friend's position. Yeah, she's made some mistakes but your her friend and your not supposed to judge her or use her mistakes as a reason to date her boyfriend. I don't know. You don't sound like a bad person or anything but I think that this is a line that should never be crossed. I say leave the guy behind.

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            • #7
              If you're starting to fall for him already, you should try to avoid being with him alone. Since you might do things that you would regret afterwards

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              • #8
                I think you should distance yourself from them until those feeling die or go away. You don't want to lose your bff just because of you fancy him as well

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by KinkyKate View Post
                  I think you should distance yourself from them until those feeling die or go away.
                  I agree with what she said. And if the two of them break up and he tries to date you, remember the unspoken rule of not dating a friends ex

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                  • KinkyKate
                    KinkyKate commented
                    Editing a comment
                    Yeah, you should never date a friends ex and vice versa

                  • Stellar
                    Stellar commented
                    Editing a comment
                    cause that is just awkward

                • #10
                  Stay away from them if you don't want to lose your bff

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                  • #11
                    Maybe the guy is just feeling relationship fatigue from his relationship with your bff if they've been together for a long time. It would be better that you try avoiding situations that it is only the two of you so that what you both feel with each other would die down

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                    • #12
                      Why not just try and go out with me instead of the him? At least I'm not seeing anyone

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